Monstre

by Courtney Swain

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03:57
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04:00
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04:40
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05:05
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about

This album is what came out of my 2015 RPM Challenge (www.rpmchallenge.com).
For my first RPM album in 2013, I was bent on the idea of doing everything by myself. This year, I asked a few of my awesome friends to help me take the songs to the next level. Their contributions were refreshing, and gave me a renewed appreciation for the joy of collaborating with others. Thanks Vince, Kyle, and Jed!
Over the last few years, I've been trying to be a better person and a better friend by being more honest about my feelings, and communicating better. A lot of the inspiration and the music in the album are different facets of that experience.

credits

released March 4, 2015

Music by Courtney Swain
Mixed by Vince Welch

Kyle Harris - Drums on "Mirage"
Jed Lingat - Bass on "Token"

Cover photo by Chris Baum

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about

Courtney Swain Providence, Rhode Island

"A gorgeous blend of overwhelming vocal talent, modern keyboard techniques, and contemporary sophistication."
The New England Noise

“Versatile, ever-appealing voice”
Wall Street Journal

“Delivers emphatic, enigmatic lyrics in a manner that can evoke Björk, Alanis Morissette, or Joanna Newsom while sounding like no one but herself.”
The Boston Globe
... more

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Track Name: Mirage
Come near
Leave your heavy cloak riddled with lies by the door
Its weight won't trouble your shoulders no more

Deep sigh
We have all made sacrifices
But I cannot read signals I don't speak

If you should kiss me now
I would not recoil
Though in my heart of hearts
I know it'd be wrong
I always forget how coy
How brittle you are
Standing behind your flesh
A blissful mirage

So come near
Put your evil toys back in the box

Are you still wondering why
They come back for more
The sweet taste of human wine
No one says no
I always forget how coy
How brittle you are
Standing behind your fllesh
A blissful mirage
Track Name: Monstre (I Assimilate Late)
Sometimes I get stuck
In the faces on my phone
I feel like I know something
That they don't know anymore

Gunning down the highway
As the sun burns through my skull
A cliche flush with meaning
Jumps out of the radio

I... I...
I'm not crying anymore
I assimilate late before I lose it all

When they took my clothing
Over and over again
I walked naked in the snow drift
And I learned I have a hollow core

Cunning cuts like razors
I hid it all below
A swollen ego-itis
Lashes out at a phantom call

I... I...
I'm not laughing anymore
I assimilate late before I lose it all

You built a monster out of me
But I love you even more
Built a monster out of me
But I love you even more
Track Name: Grow Up
Hey
Meet me at the jungle gym
Let's see how high we can make it go
I wanna know if your bones are more
Twisted up than my own

We're cut from the same cloth you know
Living in the shadow of our thoughts

God damn it, grow up
I don't wanna be a nomad anymore
Damn it, grow up
I don't wanna think about the past anymore
God damn it, grow up
I don't wanna be a nomad anymore

Hey
I've been looking up to you
Ever since those monkey bars
A heavy sidecar tethered to your ride
I've been closest to your line of sight

Of course, you can keep saying no
I'll wait for you on the outside of your walls

God damn it, grow up
I don't wanna be a nomad anymore
Damn it, grow up
I don't wanna think about the past anymore
God damn it, grow up
I don't wanna be a nomad anymore

So hey
So hey
Meet me at the jungle gym
Track Name: Hold That Thought
Hold that thought
My house is on fire
My life in the gutter
Pick me up, I command you
Pick me up
I am treading water
You come to your senses
You promised me something
Protect, protect, protect, protect

Hold that thought
I'm not a cruel woman
I'm not a bad person
Make it right, I command you
Sympathize
Frozen on my shoulder
The longer we wait here
The further we will be
Regret, regret, regret, regret

I've got tunnel vision
Cabin fever
Tunnel vision

Rock bottom, coming fast, I sink fast
Dark and hollow, I grow cold, memory lapse
An empty tool box, tips and tricks, blotting ink,
A tiny crevice, hurts so bad, I sink fast
Memory lapse

Hold that thought
Who put me here
Undone and smeared
Pick me up, I command you
Pick me up
Don't treat me like a soldier
You watched every second
WIth crooked frame of reference
Forget, forget, forget, forget

Hold that thought
It's not black or white
You sold me lies
Take it back, I command you
Take it back
Grinding on my conscience
The longer we wait here
The further we will be
Regret, regret, regret, regret
Track Name: Token
Reach into your pocket
Find a token from way back last summer
Throw it in the pond
Watch the surface twist, the water ripples

Snow can't stop the sun warming up the pavement
Globe is out of sorts, nihilist take over
I'm just stacking MIDI blocks on another
Hoping this will lead to a fruitful summer

Reach into your pocket
Find a token from way back last summer
Turn it in your palm
Watch the bets you made on glimmering silver

Snow can't stop the sun warming up the pavement
Globe is out of sorts, nihilist take over
I'm just stacking MIDI blocks on another
Hoping this will lead to a fruitful summer
Track Name: Askew
Cloudless sunny face slowly turning over
Spilling guts locked in a bomb-prrof shelter
Rotting in a naturally uncomfortable way
Ugly from the seams drifts this raw oder

Now, more than ever before
I don't trust miracles or the broad strokes of imagination
That everything will come to a beautiful close

I bite down and grapple the truth
That burned and tortured my soul
I look away from myself
The image is askew

Evil festers thick in a calloused comment
The thickest skin just sizzles to its acid
Swelling to a mass that tips the Egyptian scale
Palms are damp and ears are full of white sound

I owe you an apology
I was wrong many times, convincingly
My faith will waver at anything
Until this comes to a beautiful close

Now, more than ever before
I don't trust miracles or the broad strokes of imagination
That everything will come to a beautiful close

So I bite down and grapple the truth
That burned and tortured my soul
I look away from myself
The image is askew
I look away from myself
The image is askew
Track Name: I Can't Wait
Wake up, if you go now
They may still be waiting for their time
When god raises his fist you'll be alone
With empty faces on your shelf

Their skin cells
Their skin cells are constantly
Constant fighting
Sunshine from a teenage summer dream
Thick black locks
Locked up in a photograph
Turned white like a portrait of a Nor'easter storm

I can't wait until I see you again
Because I know really soon there'll be no more you

Look hard
Think back to the years you'd thrown away
If they didn't hold you fast
Don't try, don't try to generalize
That every single moment was a lie

Each bus stop
Each bus stop you know so well
That automated voice is proof that you do belong
Tiny days piled into a giant year
Too long for someone to hold such poison in their lungs

And I can't wait until I see you again
Because I know really soon there'll be no more you
And I can't wait to tell how much I care
I tear up everytime I try to dial your line

Good intentions, short sighted
Good intentions, bad juju
Good intentions, I know where to find
They're right inside

'Cause I know really soon
There'll be no more you
Track Name: Bicycles in Kyoto
Weaving through pedestrian waves
I trust your hand won't lead me astray
Ancient stacks of karma stand tall
The mist hangs low as we start to stall

Dew drops quiver on the edge of your lashes
Lost so deep in the old country
Strangers swallow us from head to toe
Hang tight, we'll pull through

I pause and relish the shadows
Indigo skyline
Our thoughts hang in limbo