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Claws of the Beasts Inside

by Courtney Swain

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    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of notes to myself, For Once, Augustine, Silver Lining, RPM 2022 - One day EP!, All Around Me, Fountainhead, Three Piano Songs, and 6 more. , and , .

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1.
Fog 03:41
If I had any sort of patience I'd sit here waiting for the dawn When you come walking out of silence Out of the fog of my infatuation But darling, I go running into the cold Deep in the maze of our love And I feel you walk by me And I realize that I'm lost If you had mittens for my fury And if I had a temper of a log We'd both be happy in the distance No more bitter howling like a dog But darling, I go crushing every tiny truce Scared of the backlash of good And I feel you walk by me And I realize that I'm lost When you wake up all alone You know where I've been gone Bruised and battered in the forest With the fot of my infatuation
2.
Lila 03:56
You called me up to tell me you were sick of the cold You swore you'd leave but morning finds you back in his arms You look guilty as you confess, he's like a very good drug You come home late tripping on your tall shiny shoes You drag him to bed and giggle as you kiss until you bruise When you wake up in the morning, did he remember your name I'm not pretty like you I don't where colors or hues That blind minds when I speak, I don't glow like you do But the neon and alcohol It rubs you raw and sore Do you know who you are, when you reflect in the window When you look back walking in your stainless gown Is your diamond larger than the load on your back Does it justify the secrets I'm not pretty like you I don't break bottles or pews I watch you dazzle time, selling youth and beauty But the neon and alcohol It rubs you raw and sore Do you know who you are, when you reflect in the window Lila, Lila wake up Your heart is falling apart You're hiding from the woman you can't recognize yourself
3.
Dreams 04:05
There's a freak show trapped in a body, it's running down the sidewalk It's headed straight for me it, wants to play with my brain box I wriggle and I squirm, I'm queasy from the commotion He's begging me to try a sip of his potion I'm a dear in head lights, choking on emotion But I dare not make a sound 20/20 foresight, it's a fascinating notion I take a swig and force it down One sip and you will learn to dig in real deep One sip and you will learn to cut throat and leap One sip and you will learn to heal bones in need One sip and you will learn to believe in, believe in dreams There's a freak show growing in my body, a beautiful tumor I can't keep it contained, it's seeping into the ether I struggle and I slip, it's taking over my person A silent change that lights my voice on fire I'm a force of nature, waiting to unleash All the thoughts pent up inside 20/20 foresight, it only gets better I take a swig and force it down One sip and you will learn to grow roots from seeds One sip and you will learn to take on any beast One sip and you will learn to find all you seek One sip and you will learn to believe in, believe in...
4.
Remember you're always alone Love will come and love will go Search for the passion in your lover's eyes And shiver at the hate it could hide inside Breaking up seems like a breeze When you're in love and lost at sea But when you need to reclaim the key to your heart The knot is too tangled to pull apart You look so beautiful when you cry It brings me right back to your side You know I love you, you know I love you Don't go don't go, you know I love you
5.
I'm tired of being tired Is this the last song, that comes after the last song I'm ready to fall apart I got the gun in my hand, I'm waiting for the 'go ahead' Every morning I peel myself out of the bed Every morning like a bandaid The blood rushes out Bold bones, brittle skin Why can't I break my body or lose my mind I'm far past stretched thin I can't be brave or strong or bold anymore I'm tired of feeling desparate Is this the last song, that comes after the last song Every morning I drag myself out of the door Every morning like a dead weight My heart is sinking down Bold bones, brittle skin Why can't I break my body or lose my mind I'm far past stretched thin I can't be brave or strong or bold anymore
6.
Pious 01:14
7.
Serial 03:06
Everyone makes mistakes, so the first offense is excused Records will be erased, and I may go on with life as I choose Second time rolls around, and I find myself alone In the bathroom of an ice cream store, staring into thin air Courtney that's fucked up I don't know how did it happen again Courtney that's fucked up I don't know why was I so naive I remember the faces I remember fading out I remember coming to And I remember the blood I lost I'm watching the universe tilt so slightly out of control Perspectives fall askew, and pills are larger than a swallow I wear make-up to fake the cheer, but it washes down in dark streaks Like the claws of the beasts inside, exploding into regret Courtney that's fucked up I don't know how do I take it back Courtney that's fucked up I don't know how long do I wait To forget the faces Forget the fading out To forget coming to And to forget the blood I lost Then will I do it again? Then will I do it again?
8.
One by One 04:01
Walking down a busy street Skyscrapers funnel a storm Winds stand me still Bright green plants are losing leaves The water churns a poison stew We're dying one by one While I'm stuck scared inside my bed I forget I don't know the name Of this fragile vessel tethered to the genes inside my head I'm sure I"m dying now One by one I'm counting down When I stopped to look around I saw the brushstrokes of clouds Waiting to cry Is it worth the long face When airplanes crash Waste is trashed We're dying, dying Dying one by one While I'm stuck scared inside my bed I forget I don't know the name Of this fragile vessel tethered to the genes inside my head I'm sure I"m dying now One by one I'm counting down
9.
Every night in my world of lust I got skating down the slopes of your bust Stopping only to smell your soft skin We could be such criminals together, lying in the sun I try to teach myself to taste Each part of bone, sinew and flesh That keeps your soul captive inside We could be such criminals together, living just to run As you learn to take your own sword And your bright eyes start to glare for war I grow jealous of the density of time you're pushing through I'm the gravity that holds you down I'm the love that doubts your shield strength I'm the silver shackles that keep you free You breath life into me I'm afraid to face you from below I'll be blinded by your quiet halo You're the queen of the conquest My humble heart is yours As you tear apart every piece of evil May I please be a part of your steeple You're the queen of the conquest My humble heart is yours

about

Dear friend,

This album is the product of my 2013 RPM Challenge (www.rpmchallenge.com). All the songs were recorded during the month of February, and most of them were written in February, too.

I'm very excited to be able to share this album with you. I've never done anything like this before in music or in my life, and I'm so proud of the music that came out of the process. I hope that my songs will inspire you to do something that makes your heart beat faster. For me, today marks a beginning of a new chapter in my life. I'm quitting my day-job to spend more of my time playing music, so hooray for that!

If you like this, please consider purchasing the album to make it yours forever after. Please also considering dropping me a line and telling me about your favorite song(s), because that makes me very excited.

All the best,
Courtney

credits

released March 1, 2013

Vince Welch
- Arranging and mixing for "Dreams"
- Some technical stuff (mastering?) that happened late in the evening of 2/28/13 that I didn't entirely understand
- Awesome boyfriend!

Jessica Kion, Gavin Wallace-Ailsworth, and Ben Levin
- encouragement and emotional support

Courtney Swain
- everything else

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all rights reserved

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about

Courtney Swain Providence, Rhode Island

“A gorgeous blend of overwhelming vocal talent, modern keyboard techniques, and contemporary sophistication.”
— New England Noise

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