Claws of the Beasts Inside

by Courtney Swain

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03:41
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03:56
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04:05
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01:14
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03:06
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04:01
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about

Dear friend,

This album is the product of my 2013 RPM Challenge (www.rpmchallenge.com). All the songs were recorded during the month of February, and most of them were written in February, too.

I'm very excited to be able to share this album with you. I've never done anything like this before in music or in my life, and I'm so proud of the music that came out of the process. I hope that my songs will inspire you to do something that makes your heart beat faster. For me, today marks a beginning of a new chapter in my life. I'm quitting my day-job to spend more of my time playing music, so hooray for that!

If you like this, please consider purchasing the album to make it yours forever after. Please also considering dropping me a line and telling me about your favorite song(s), because that makes me very excited.

All the best,
Courtney

credits

released March 1, 2013

Vince Welch
- Arranging and mixing for "Dreams"
- Some technical stuff (mastering?) that happened late in the evening of 2/28/13 that I didn't entirely understand
- Awesome boyfriend!

Jessica Kion, Gavin Wallace-Ailsworth, and Ben Levin
- encouragement and emotional support

Courtney Swain
- everything else

tags

license

all rights reserved

about

Courtney Swain Providence, Rhode Island

"A gorgeous blend of overwhelming vocal talent, modern keyboard techniques, and contemporary sophistication."
The New England Noise

“Versatile, ever-appealing voice”
Wall Street Journal

“Delivers emphatic, enigmatic lyrics in a manner that can evoke Björk, Alanis Morissette, or Joanna Newsom while sounding like no one but herself.”
The Boston Globe
... more

contact / help

Contact Courtney Swain

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Track Name: Fog
If I had any sort of patience
I'd sit here waiting for the dawn
When you come walking out of silence
Out of the fog of my infatuation

But darling, I go running into the cold
Deep in the maze of our love
And I feel you walk by me
And I realize that I'm lost

If you had mittens for my fury
And if I had a temper of a log
We'd both be happy in the distance
No more bitter howling like a dog

But darling, I go crushing every tiny truce
Scared of the backlash of good
And I feel you walk by me
And I realize that I'm lost


When you wake up all alone
You know where I've been gone
Bruised and battered in the forest
With the fot of my infatuation
Track Name: Lila
You called me up to tell me you were sick of the cold
You swore you'd leave but morning finds you back in his arms
You look guilty as you confess, he's like a very good drug

You come home late tripping on your tall shiny shoes
You drag him to bed and giggle as you kiss until you bruise
When you wake up in the morning, did he remember your name

I'm not pretty like you
I don't where colors or hues
That blind minds when I speak, I don't glow like you do
But the neon and alcohol
It rubs you raw and sore
Do you know who you are, when you reflect in the window

When you look back walking in your stainless gown
Is your diamond larger than the load on your back
Does it justify the secrets

I'm not pretty like you
I don't break bottles or pews
I watch you dazzle time, selling youth and beauty
But the neon and alcohol
It rubs you raw and sore
Do you know who you are, when you reflect in the window

Lila, Lila wake up
Your heart is falling apart
You're hiding from the woman you can't recognize yourself
Track Name: Dreams
There's a freak show trapped in a body, it's running down the sidewalk
It's headed straight for me it, wants to play with my brain box
I wriggle and I squirm, I'm queasy from the commotion
He's begging me to try a sip of his potion

I'm a dear in head lights, choking on emotion
But I dare not make a sound
20/20 foresight, it's a fascinating notion
I take a swig and force it down

One sip and you will learn to dig in real deep
One sip and you will learn to cut throat and leap
One sip and you will learn to heal bones in need
One sip and you will learn to believe in, believe in dreams

There's a freak show growing in my body, a beautiful tumor
I can't keep it contained, it's seeping into the ether
I struggle and I slip, it's taking over my person
A silent change that lights my voice on fire

I'm a force of nature, waiting to unleash
All the thoughts pent up inside
20/20 foresight, it only gets better
I take a swig and force it down

One sip and you will learn to grow roots from seeds
One sip and you will learn to take on any beast
One sip and you will learn to find all you seek
One sip and you will learn to believe in, believe in...
Track Name: You Look So Beautiful
Remember you're always alone
Love will come and love will go
Search for the passion in your lover's eyes
And shiver at the hate it could hide inside

Breaking up seems like a breeze
When you're in love and lost at sea
But when you need to reclaim the key to your heart
The knot is too tangled to pull apart

You look so beautiful when you cry
It brings me right back to your side

You know I love you, you know I love you
Don't go don't go, you know I love you
Track Name: The Last Song
I'm tired of being tired
Is this the last song, that comes after the last song

I'm ready to fall apart
I got the gun in my hand, I'm waiting for the 'go ahead'

Every morning I peel myself out of the bed
Every morning like a bandaid
The blood rushes out

Bold bones, brittle skin
Why can't I break my body or lose my mind
I'm far past stretched thin
I can't be brave or strong or bold anymore

I'm tired of feeling desparate
Is this the last song, that comes after the last song

Every morning I drag myself out of the door
Every morning like a dead weight
My heart is sinking down

Bold bones, brittle skin
Why can't I break my body or lose my mind
I'm far past stretched thin
I can't be brave or strong or bold anymore
Track Name: Serial
Everyone makes mistakes, so the first offense is excused
Records will be erased, and I may go on with life as I choose
Second time rolls around, and I find myself alone
In the bathroom of an ice cream store, staring into thin air

Courtney that's fucked up
I don't know how did it happen again
Courtney that's fucked up
I don't know why was I so naive

I remember the faces
I remember fading out
I remember coming to
And I remember the blood I lost

I'm watching the universe tilt so slightly out of control
Perspectives fall askew, and pills are larger than a swallow
I wear make-up to fake the cheer, but it washes down in dark streaks
Like the claws of the beasts inside, exploding into regret

Courtney that's fucked up
I don't know how do I take it back
Courtney that's fucked up
I don't know how long do I wait

To forget the faces
Forget the fading out
To forget coming to
And to forget the blood I lost

Then will I do it again?
Then will I do it again?
Track Name: One by One
Walking down a busy street
Skyscrapers funnel a storm
Winds stand me still

Bright green plants are losing leaves
The water churns a poison stew
We're dying one by one

While I'm stuck scared inside my bed
I forget I don't know the name
Of this fragile vessel tethered to the genes inside my head
I'm sure I"m dying now
One by one I'm counting down

When I stopped to look around
I saw the brushstrokes of clouds
Waiting to cry

Is it worth the long face
When airplanes crash
Waste is trashed
We're dying, dying
Dying one by one

While I'm stuck scared inside my bed
I forget I don't know the name
Of this fragile vessel tethered to the genes inside my head
I'm sure I"m dying now
One by one I'm counting down
Track Name: Queen of the Conquest
Every night in my world of lust
I got skating down the slopes of your bust
Stopping only to smell your soft skin
We could be such criminals together, lying in the sun

I try to teach myself to taste
Each part of bone, sinew and flesh
That keeps your soul captive inside
We could be such criminals together, living just to run

As you learn to take your own sword
And your bright eyes start to glare for war
I grow jealous of the density of time you're pushing through

I'm the gravity that holds you down
I'm the love that doubts your shield strength
I'm the silver shackles that keep you free
You breath life into me

I'm afraid to face you from below
I'll be blinded by your quiet halo
You're the queen of the conquest
My humble heart is yours

As you tear apart every piece of evil
May I please be a part of your steeple
You're the queen of the conquest
My humble heart is yours